Beginning several decades ago, there was a lot of talk about sexism and sex roles. And a lot of talk about how men need to be more nurturing. People said men were so busy solving problems they overlooked the feeling component of human interaction.
This was all being said by people who insisted that it's wrong to promote sexist stereotypes. But that's exactly what they were doing. They were repeating traditional sexist rhetoric instead of examining whether the male role actually nurtures. And because of this, they overlooked the fact that the traditional male role utilizes problem solving to nurture others.
Consider the following:
Many years ago I got a panicked call from a friend. She had just found a new job, but her car had broken down. And without the car, she had no job. So I drove over to see if I could get her car running. I knew nothing about auto repair, but hoped to spot something obvious.
When I popped the hood open I saw no obvious problem. So I telephoned some friends for advice. One of them walked me through basic troubleshooting over the phone. It was not easy, and it took several calls and a trip to the auto parts store. But I found the problem and fixed it.
Nobody would call my action one of nurturing feelings. They would say that all I did was fix her car. But you should have heard the panic in her voice when she called me. And then seen the look on her face when the car was fixed. Her state of mind had gone from fear to elation. In other words, I had affected her feelings. And that was why I went there: to support a friend. I didn't go there to hang out with her car.
Now, while I was there she made me a sandwich. This is generally considered a nurturing act. But it is really no more supportive than my driving over and helping her. Fixing her car transformed her emotions. The effect of the sandwich was less than that. But stereotyping overlooks this.
The above is only one example, and an isolated one at that. But for centuries, men have used problem solving to provide food and shelter for their families. These actions increase the feeling of safety, security, and well-being in others. They are very foundational acts of caring and nurturing, despite what people say.
